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Is infidelity women’s best kept secret? Given that women initiate 70 to 75% of all divorces, is this secret the catalyst that prompts them to pursue separations and divorces, many under the guise of “searching for self?” How many of these women were happily married prior to their affairs? Are men being divorced by their wives without ever knowing about their wives' extramarital sexual relationships? Women’s Infidelity discusses these and other wide-ranging, but interrelated, topics that help explain the difficulty women have with marriage and long-term fidelity.
- Sales Rank: #269228 in Books
- Published on: 2005-06-01
- Released on: 2005-06-01
- Number of items: 1
- Binding: Paperback
- 200 pages
Review
Women's Infidelity is one of the most insightful books I have ever read. No stone has been left unturned. --Scott M.
I am no longer a clueless male after reading this book. It should be required reading for men! --Chris DeAngelo
I felt exposed but also relieved after reading Women's Infidelity - it's nice to know I'm not alone. --Joann (last name withheld)
About the Author
Michelle Langley has been a professional public speaker, specializing in career development, for over 11 years. She began an independent inquiry into women's sexuality after her interest was sparked by a series of unrelated incidents. The information in Women's Infidelity was gathered and researched over a period of ten years.
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
The Missing Link
By Maya
This is a book for anyone who really desires to understand what's going on in failing modern relationships with women, or who wants to understand women better. Guys will have an easier time digesting this if they already have a "something is way off and I need to know what's wrong" mentality, as opposed to a politically correct mentality.
The key takeaway I got (amongst many) was this: Women often end up in marriages that are emotionally and sexually unsatisfying. Women often pursue men unable to provide those things, because they can provide other things like security or egotistical/social validation, and often such men are genuinely good and loving people. However once the script of find a man > get him to fall in love with you > obtain marriage/commitment > have a kid or two is played out, women often wake up to find themselves feeling increasingly detached from their partners. The key to that detachment is unmet needs, which she has a very hard time talking about, and the man is usually utterly clueless about. Over time the relationship runs into the ground because the woman is typically working her ass off to be a good wife (as she defines it) without getting her emotional and sexual needs effectively met (as she defines them).
Once this process really takes hold, the relationship essentially goes bankrupt without the guy knowing. The woman typically expects the guy to work this out intuitively, and becomes contemptuous when he can't. This creates ideal circumstances for the woman to lose all sexual attraction to her husband, whilst feeling increasing temptation to pursue sex with other men. With other men she can get her sexual and emotional needs met, especially when the adrenaline rush of cheating is added to the mix. This becomes addictive, and the woman has to choose between a powerful drug-like rush of sex outside the marriage, or remaining faithful within a dynamic where her needs are chronically unmet. Being human, the drug-rush tends to win causing huge emotional turbulence for the woman, which often gets expressed as anger towards the man she's married to.
Over time, the woman moves through predictable stages of increasing detachment, until there is no chance of saving the relationship. Counselling, separation, and other strategies to delay the collapse of the marriage are often part of a slow death to the partnership. These rarely have a hope of fixing the issue, and are typically done for social reasons rather than in a genuine attempt to fix things. Therapists rarely if ever have the understanding or courage to address what is actually happening, and often women are not honest about what’s actually happening anyway. Men play their part in this too, by tolerating and putting up with less and less love from the woman, hoping things will get better with time, without actually changing the way they are behaving or standing up for themselves.
Important to understanding all of this, is understanding the way our society conditions women to deny their own sexuality, and sexual needs. This denial is linked to the desire of men to be certain of paternity, and the social constructs they put in place to try and ensure any kids they end up raising are definitely their own. Essentially women have been historically shamed for their sexual needs, whilst men have typically been given broad leeway to pursue theirs, and this has often been excused through various social constructs and conditioning. The consequence of this is that women often commit to marriages and relationships without being sexually and emotionally satisfied, and to men who are not only incapable of providing this, they don’t even know it’s required. Often the woman herself is taken by surprise when testosterone changes around the age of 30 create surprisingly different sexual priorities than she has ever had to manage before.
Overall, this book feels to me like the missing link. It’s worth every cent and in my view is worth $500 easily, not because it’s written at a genius level of writing skill, but because the content is so rare and hard to find amongst mainstream relationship psychology books. It takes huge ovaries (courage) to write a book like this, and I wonder if the price point is deliberately set high to discourage mass sales and encourage only those truly desperate to understand the content to buy it. This strategy (if I’m right) would prevent the harsh criticism and utterly merciless "moral" artillery strikes that would no doubt be coming the authors way, if this book was priced low and went viral so to speak. Don’t let the price point deter you- it is a very expensive book, but the content is rare, and rare commodities attract higher prices.
I’m a single guy who’s never been married, but I really want to understand women. This book is a very very valuable piece of the puzzle. It’s going to be very hard to read if you’re a guy who got his heart crushed in a bitter divorce, but there are answers in here as to why these things happen so frequently. If the answers are important to you, read this book. It might not be 100% right about everything, and you may not agree with the authors underlying philosophy about relationships, but there is no doubt she got so much right with this book, anyone wanting better relationships with women would be well advised to read it.
65 of 77 people found the following review helpful.
Finally - Let's Get Real About Females!
By Quanah Xochitl
This is a must read for anyone wanting to better understand the male/female dichotomy. Michelle addresses many issues about female sexuality directly and accurately. Its important to realize that there isn't such a huge chasm between male and female behaviour when you take into consideration that we are ALL humans with human traits. This means we all basically want the same things - we just go after them in different ways based on available resources, culture, and individual personalities.
Personally, I have always found it interesting that there are women that will not be honest about sexuality; even when discussing it with a close female friend. This is one of the main reasons why the studies on female sexuality are often seriously flawed. As Michelle points out - when it comes to the topic of sex, women often lie (or fail to disclose) and men often exaggerate. If many females won't be truthful or even discuss sexuality with a close friend, how is she going to react to a survey or an interviewer when it comes to the same topic?
Michelle also challenges the myth of "natural female monogamy." In pure Dawinian terms, propagation of the species is best accomodated when a female has children with varying genetic makeups (i.e. different fathers). When a disease strikes, there is a better chance that more offspring will survive since all have probably not inherited the same genetic weaknesses. If all of the offspring have the same father, there is a higher chance that more children will be wiped out if they come into contact with a disease for which all share the same genetic weakness. This is the counter balance to the traditional societal justification for cheating males in that it is a Darwinian urge to impregnate as many females as possible. Females have to deal with similar drives; therefore, all are not "naturally monogamous." However, as humans we must balance our instincts with our higher thinking. We now live in world where neither one of these instinctual behaviours provides a good backdrop for the rearing of modern children.
Of course, with both men and women, cheating is a choice. This is why its necessary for women to be aware of the natural drives that may be the root cause of their cheating compulsion. Restlessness or "unhappiness" is not always the husband's fault.
99 of 120 people found the following review helpful.
Some Interesting Perspectives and Accurate Documentation But The Author's Lacks Moral Integrity
By Slow Rope
I believe that this book does have an accurate description of what it is like to be a cheated on by a woman. It is helpful for a man, specifically. And the style it is written, makes it a quick read. The author has experience working with couples in these situations and does a good job describing patterns of affairs and what leads, at least some women, to cheat and their emotional ambivalence. The problem with the book is that the author goes way too far in her sometimes ridiculous attempts to justify women who cheat by claiming it is a result of years of sexism, patriarchy and oppression. It is unclear, why she would do this. Maybe to justify her own history of affairs. In the end, the book seems to inadvertantly paint a portrait of monogamy or exclusivity in relationships as idealistic, unrealistic / near impossible. Regardless, the author's view is skewed by her over-exposure to relationships with infidelity.
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