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- Sales Rank: #11197 in Books
- Color: Multicolor
- Brand: Brand: Gateway Press
- Published on: 2003-03-14
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.90" h x .60" w x 6.00" l, .77 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 231 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
About the Author
Verrier holds a master's degree in clinical psychology and is in private practice in Lafayette, CA.
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Bible No, One Reference Point Yes
By Jen
Clearly written with a distinct theory and point of view, that will have many critically thinking adoptees (myself included) asking the question "Is [x behavior or thought process] rooted in adoption or is this just general human-experience identity-seeking behavior?" (The answer according to Verrier: You can never know! You're too broken and you have only experienced/can only experience life through your own broken glasses and can therefore never know the depths of your brokenness or lack of normalcy! True and touche, but lol!)
Don't get me wrong -- I enjoyed reading the book, some of which resonated with me, some of which didn't. Generally, I found the crown jewel theory (that all adoptee issues arise from a severed mother-child bond) to be narrow and, at times, irreconcilable with my own reality. I also found the cause-effect section of the book, no doubt what most adoptees and their parents find so irresistibly relateable, too anecdotal and easy for it to be all-encompassing or even accurate (such as the claim that all adoptees must dislike their birthdays because it reminds them of *the incident*). However, this section could be viewed as a sort of "starting point" for engaging with common sense conversations between adoptive parents and adoptee-child or adult-adoptee and self.
Despite its oversimplicity in some areas and overindexing in others, reliance on the author's personal experience, and psuedoscientific leaps in logic, as most theories go, this good-intentioned book DOES have something to offer, is at times thought-provoking, and has earned a place in the adoption reference archive. The biggest takeaway, in my opinion, is only briefly implied by Verrier in the last 10 or so pages and can't be underestimated or reduced to text on a page: identity and relationships to self and others are complex and unique, requiring introspection, self awareness, self critique, and work. Identity and self satisfaction are earned, not given, and extend beyond familial blood bonds... or do they?
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Highly recommend!
By Amazon Customer
This was the first book in her two-book approach. This one was very heart-rending for me to read, as the mother of an adopted son. I did not realize there was so much heartache & pain inside some adopted (or foster) children! It gave me a greater understanding of the root of so much of his self-image, relationship responses and holiday pain. We bought it for him (he was a teen & old enough to understand) and it did help him to place the cause onto a real reason for some of his grief & confusion, which helped him know there were real people with this real heartache. This was recommended to me by a friend who was an adopted child herself & found help and understanding in this book. Ms Verrier's book 'Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up" offers further help & practical ways to begin new understandings, behavior & thinking changes and relationship changes.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Read this review and then buy the book.
By Khro
This book is my bible. I am an adoptee and I now have a better idea of what's been going on with me for over four decades. While it can be debated whether or not this book presents a valid examination of just how damaged many, if not all, adoptees are, it definitely will open up some new paths to explore. For me personally, the paths that opened for me have been enlightening and also painful. To my fellow adoptees: If you feel like you're not living a "genuine life", check this book out. It may shed some light for you.
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